12 things everyone should know before looking for relationship advice on Facebook.

A while back I stumbled upon this retarded group on Facebook called ‘43 things a girl wished her boyfriend knew’. (If you're feeling brave: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=185874743398) The 43 points in question were so screwy and hilarious, that I thought I’d take the liberty to add my 2 pence to this whole sorry list. This may not win me much love from the ladies but what the hell! Here goes:

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

This is true. The pain is stored away and unleashed on you when you are vulnerable and completely unsuspecting. Hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off.

#2 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.

But not if she was, in the first place, staring at that gross piece of spinach stuck between your teeth.

#3 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful.

On doing so, #4 will follow.

#4 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.

Which will kind of defeat the purpose of ever having bothered with #3 and result in a swift and painful administering of #5.

#5 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.

Because really, mate, you kind of asked for it. Take the beating like a man.

#6 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

If the ‘bumping’ in question is of a sexual nature, you need to seriously rethink aiming for her back. Because then, she will not just laugh, but jeer and ridicule you out of the bedroom.

#7 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.

But if you usually call her at 12:00 am to rant and rave drunken obscenities while you get shit-faced with your mates, maybe this is not such a hot idea.

#8 Kiss her in the pouring rain.

And risk getting pneumonia?? Sure, why not!

#9 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

Makes you wonder whether she would even date you if YOU were boring or sad.

#10 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.

Just as she will remember, and remind you of what got her pissed off in the first place for 10 years after.

#11 Let her into your world.

If you are however, an incurable, closet deviant, don’t bother. No, really.

#12 Let her wear your clothes.

Just don’t ever get caught wearing hers.

Obama axes Pentagon plan to build billion dollar tank in shape of dragon

Obama Axes Pentagon Plan To Build Billion Dollar Tank In Shape Of Dragon

One of the funniest ads in recent memory!

Absolutely love this crow! Inspired casting...even better CG! LOL!

http://campaignindia.in/news/perfetti_rolls_out_campaign_for_big_babol

Barrack Obama: see ass, will ogle. So?

Now isn't this all a bit too much? President Obama is caught 'allegedly' leering at a woman at the G8 Summit and the world is in an uproar! Doesn't all of this sound more than a little pointless to you? I mean, I'm no Obama fan (I don't hate him either) but I certainly don't subscribe to this media generated hoopla that has made the poor guy into an (unwilling) god. He's a guy at the end of the day! Cut him some slack! So what if he checked her out (though video evidence exists to the contrary)? Wouldn't any red-blooded man? Of course, you can argue and say, "Sure. But he's not just ANY man. He's the President of the United States." And it's this very reasoning that annoys me. Damn right he's the President. And as the President he has a whole lot of responsibility weighing down on him. In fact, the entire expectations of not just his own woebegotten country, but the whole world rests on him. The man's not the messiah, so stop evangelizing him. Imagine the unbelievable pressure on his shoulders. Everyone thinks he's the "Chosen One" and as such can do no wrong. Let the man do his job. If he has to look at few asses while he's at it, so be it. His personal agenda should have no bearing on how well he does his job. And with the state the American economy is in, he has quite a bit of work ahead of him. Let's not make things any more difficult by pandering to petty and small-minded gossip.

Die, pigeon! DIE!

I didn't sleep very well last night. And it wasn't for any wildly amorous reason. Not mine at least. See, the pigeons who have set up home right outside my bedroom window insisted on getting wet and squelchy all night, much to the chagrin of my frayed and frazzled nerves. The flying rats spent the night (and a better part of the morning) copulating in a wild frenzy, all the while moaning like happy-ass retards who have just discovered the wonders of pot. Imagine my pain.
I finally stumbled out of bed at around seven with a blood-lust. (And dark circles that made me closely resemble a diet-conscious panda) The pigeons instead of sleeping (do they ever sleep, the hellspawn??), had proceeded to poop all over my bedroom window. Good morning dude.

Man, I hate pigeons.

What purpose do the cretins serve, anyway? Sometimes I feel they exist merely to mock us.
I mean there was a time when pigeons served a very real purpose. They were symbols of peace (only the white ones, doves, mind you. Not the ghaati grey ones that breedpoopflutterdie on our window sills) and they were occasionally quite useful if you wanted to send a 'thank you' note to Aunt Edith in Warsaw without having to worry about the ineptitude of the Indian postal service.


Of course now all of that is redundant. I mean, we have email. And seriously, what bloody peace? Nations are at war, an arms race is upon us and no one can swallow their massive egoes for 30 seconds to solve the world's problems. You really think a bird is going to solve that? Especially one as dumb and horny as a pigeon...dove, whatever. If it had its way it would flutter-fuck the UN General Secretary at a Peace Summit and poop on the heads of every major world leader. And trust me, it would do that with a smile on its face. The bird is not just stupid, it's evil too.

Man, I hate pigeons.

I know that tonight will be the same; the pigeon couple will bring in a third pigeon and have a threesome. Or probably a new couple will join them and they'll indulge in a little pigeon wife-swapping. Or they'll bring along a camera and shoot a pigeon porno.

I am at the end of my keel. I am a sleep-deprived wreck. The grating sound of pigeons orgasming echoes in my ear-drums. Murder seems to be the only option left. Murder or suicide. Or both.

Man, I really hate pigeons.

Hold that thought!

Some days thoughts remain unfinished. Incomplete. Hanging in that grey area between dreams and waking. Unmoving and languid like tendrils of smoke on a still summer night.
So where do thoughts go when they die? Is there a heaven for good thoughts? A hell for bad ones? A purgatory for those that could have been better? Or are thoughts forever condemned to walk the earth alone, desperately waiting for a kind someone to adopt and complete them?


I'd like to think that thoughts never die. And that thoughts, like souls, are living, breathing things. Capable of being scarred, nurtured, harmed, set free. I believe thoughts have a special place in history. Because men are not remembered by their looks, fame or even the amount of money they accumulated in their lifetime. But by the strength of their thought process. Kubrick, Marx, Nietzche, Einstein, Chaplin, Tesla. The men are no more, but their thoughts live on forever.

Yes, your thoughts are powerful things. So prune all suspicions and insecurities. Shed all negativity and uselessness. Because your next thought could be the next big idea. And we all know that a great idea can change the world.

Because great design gives me a hard on.

...and no one does it quite like MK12!

MK12 // Untitled 01: Infinity from MK12 on Vimeo.